First Fifteen

What have I learned after coming out of what my therapist has officially termed an abusive relationship?

Here are the first 15 of thousands.

1. Never move in with them unless they want to get married.

2. If they do move in, have a notarized agreement in writing. Yes, I mean it.

3. Never, ever, ever ignore the red flags. Even the small ones.

4. If they are tight-lipped about their past, there’s a reason.

5. If you go weeks, months, then years without sex, there is no greater red flag.

6. People just don’t stop wanting sex for years at a time. Humans aren’t built like that. It means there is another source.

7. If they turn off find my on their iPhones and want to run all the errands themselves, assume they’re cheating.

8. If you find yourself googling articles about the signs that they are cheating, they are cheating.

9. If they can’t even stand your TOUCH, or cringe, or stiffen up when you put your hand on their shoulder, assume they are cheating.

10. Emotional cheating is worse than a one-night stand.

11. If you prefer having the bed to yourself so you can spank the monkey, it’s time to end the relationship.

12. If she has no interest in even discussing the issue, it’s time to end the relationship.

13. If she “can’t explain it, she just doesn’t have any interest,” she is cheating and it is time to go.

14. If she never wants to even go to target with you anymore, assume she is cheating.

15. It’s OK to admit that you were in an abusive relationship. It wasn’t your fault.