I have nothing to miss

If you think I’m going to miss you.

You’re wrong.

The truth is:

I have nothing to miss.

What I do miss is what we were together the first year.

You were fun.

You were loving.

You were passionate.

You made me want to share my life with you.

What I don’t miss is what you became.

After I shared my deepest fears with you.

After I shared my insecurities.

After I shared my struggles.

After you vowed to see me through them, to remain at my side.

After that, you were never the same.

You pulled away.

You started to make me feel like a child.

You started to lose your passion.

All because I had internal struggles.

All because I was a neat freak?

I’m not going to miss what you became.

Cold.

Lifeless.

Passion-less.

Unfeeling.

Uncaring.

Unloving.

Uninterested.

Oblivious.

I’m not going to miss trying to get through to you, month after month, year after year. Only to be ignored.

I’m not going to miss my stupid coping mechanisms that I employed, unaware at the time that this had become emotion abuse.

I’m not going to miss you saying, “I don’t know, I just know I have no interest.”

I’m not going to miss the cold, lifeless “I’m sorry” I would get that had no meaning.

I’m not going to miss how we watched TV in different rooms.

I’m not going to miss how I grew to hate you even being here.

I’m not going to miss how you just let this die.

I’m not going to miss you not touching me for five years.

I’m not going to miss you, not caring how that made me feel.

I’m not going to miss you sleeping on my couch and making any excuse in the book not to sleep next to me.

I’m not going to miss your excuses for not wanting to do anything together.

I’m not going to miss your excuses for not even wanting to run errands with me.

I’m not going to miss my growing suspicions.

I’m not going to miss my suspicions being proven true, and how you STILL had no emotion about it. No remorse.

I’m not going to miss you hiding from me, and not even speaking to me, because you knew you were caught and had no idea how to even face the ramifications of what you did.

I’m not going to miss how that all made me feel.

I’m not going to miss your emotional abuse.

I’m not going to miss you.

I have nothing to miss.